NEWSLETTER

Author: Jo Anderson

A Lasting Commitment - Purposing to keep the covenant that we have made to each other before God; learning to appreciate the responsibilities that God has given to each of us; understanding the emotional ramifications of trying to fulfill these responsibilities; and becoming supportive of our mate's efforts.

                           SCROLL DOWN FOR LESSON 1

                           

                                                COUPLES CLASS

                                                         LESSON 2

                                 FACING STRESS IN OUR MARRIAGE

Goal:

Learning together to recognize the stresses in the family life cycle and learning to cope with both expected and unexpected stresses.

Focus:

Muscles are not strengthened without subjecting them to stress. Likewise, individuals and relationships grow by being stressed and by relying on Jesus throughout the testing period. Whatever the Lord brings our way is for our ultimate edification. That is why Paul reminds us; “In everything God works for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose,” and He entreats us to, “rejoice in the Lord always. . .Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

DEFINITIONS:

Stress—A demand for change caused by something in the environment. There are two types of stress: expected and unexpected.

Coping techniques—. Ways that people react to stress. There are two types: planned (systematic) and unplanned.

Personal problems—Problems arising from not coping with stress as well as one would like. These problems are often resolved through the advice and counsel of friends, family and church members.

Emotional problems—Personal problems that have become magnified because a person has not tried to solve them or has used ineffective coping techniques.

System—A group of people interacting habitually with each other. This may be a married couple, a family, or a larger group such as a church community.

Focal child—A child that is especially sensitive to what is happening in the family. Consequently this child will often have problems that draw people's attention to him or her, thus drawing attention away from other areas of conflict with the family.

Hierarchy—A structured arrangement within organizations prescribing certain rules people follow in their interactions with others within these organizations. (This is especially true of the family organization.)

SCRIPTURAL BASE--WRITE A SUMMARY OF THESE VERSES:

Romans 8:28; Philippians 4:4-9; 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 and Ephesians 5:15-6:4

All people undergo stress, Read the following scriptures to see how God in His loving kindness afflicts us and how we are to respond.

James 1:2-8; Job 2:9-10; 1 Samuel 3:13; Psalms 119:7380; Matthew 5:10-12; 1 Corinthians 15:54c-58; 2 Corinthians 1:3-7; James 1:12-17; 1 Peter 1:6-9; 2 Peter 3:17-18; Revelation 2:19; Genesis 50:20.

DEALING WITH STRESS

Reaffirm your commitment to your spouse, child or friend.

    Focus on the positive. Talk and think about the good times you've had together.
    Don't try to change the other person. Instead, discover how you can change, and do it without expecting reciprocity.
    Realize that changes in family and other relationships are inevitable.
    Have family prayer times.
    Search the scriptures for your answers. In addition, when needing comfort, turn to the Psalms, especially when you feel least like praying or doing it.
    Seek help from wise friends, a pastor or godly seminars that are Biblical-based.
    Ask a confident or “helper” to suggest new ways of viewing your problem that will enable you to discern appropriate steps of action and evaluate your responses.
    Together with your confidant review various goals, options and pray about projected strategy.

Both alone and together with your confidant, discern possible benefits of  stress that could deepen your own growth and the lives of others involved.

Don't wait until the problem has become desperate before seeking help!

Be responsible. 

Caution: Trust in the Lord, not in your “helper.” Unhealthy dependencies can develop wherein you expect them to satisfy your needs. Read Jer. 17:4-6.

QUESTIONS

    1. Why does God afflict His people?

    2. How did Paul feel when his spiritual children endured to victory? See 1 Thess. 2:19-20.

    3. What brings a pastor great joy? See 3 John 4 and 1 Thess. 3:6-8.

    4. Thinking of questions 2 and 3, how can I teach, exhort and encourage our children in their faithful walk with the Lord? See 1 Thess. 2:7-8.

    5. When I get overwhelmed by the demands I face, how do I usually try to cope with it? How does my spouse try to cope with pressure? Most people have a variety of ways of trying to cope. Identify some of the most common in my family.

    6. How does each member of my family try to regulate the interpersonal distance between each of u? What are the effects of these attempts? Do they pull people closer together or drive people away?

    7. What are some things that I haven't done for a long time that might bring me and my spouse closer together? How might I rearrange my schedule to maintain the “distance” that each of us desires and make the interactions between us more positive?

    8. Is there a focal child in my family of origin? In my spouse's family of origin? Is there a focal child in our present family?

    9. How has stress increased my faith?

    10. What scriptures have become especially precious to me during stressful times?

    11. Tell your mate how an earlier affliction helped you grow. How did it benefit your life or that of someone else?

    12. Has stress ever decreased my faith? If so, why?

    13. Did I continue in the Word of God, and maintain contact with Christians during these times?

    14. Do any of my stresses occur because of an area of pride in my life? Ponder and explain fully.

    15. How have others in my life helped me during difficult times?

    16. Did someone's good intentions ever cause me to resent them? Why? If I am still resentful over this, will I now purpose to forgive them? What have I learned through this experience?

    17. Even though my trials and sufferings have varied through my life, has there been a point in common about them? What would it be?

    18. Have my stresses and sufferings made me more sensitive and helpful to others? How am I reaching out?

PRAYER:

I come before You now, Lord, crying out for Your help. I do not understand what is happening. But I do know that You are all-knowing and all-caring. Hear my cries. Help me to become the person You would have me be through this whole experience. I do love You and I do believe. Help my unbelief. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

 


                                                          ~~~~~~~~~~

 

                                                     

                                         A LASTING COMMITMENT

                                                           LESSON 1

                     TOPICS TO BE COVERED IN COMING LESSONS:

Facing Stress in Our Marriage

The Lies About Truth and the Truth About Lies

The Deadening Effects of Stoicism

Recovering from Intimidation

My Words: Healing or Wounding? Wise or Foolish?

 

To gain the maximum benefit from this course, we recommend that each of you separately answer the questions below. They are designed to stimulate self-discovery. And then if possible, discuss the questions together. The questions will help to open up lines of communication and deepen your understanding.

Goal: 

Purposing to keep the covenant that we have made to each other before God; learning to appreciate the responsibilities that God has given to each of us; understanding the emotional ramifications of trying to fulfill these responsibilities; and becoming supportive of our mate’s efforts.

Focus:  

Marriage is a pattern for the relationship between Christ and His bride the church. Christ is an example of giving. He gave His life for His bride. He did what was good and right, never taking the easier, less loving way out. His divine love makes it possible for us to become loving and giving.

Marriage is a giving love-relationship. As a husband freely loves his wife, a wife freely gives to her husband. The Home is God's chosen unit to demonstrate to children God's ways with His people. Children acquire their basic concepts of God from their home situations. Whether true or false, these concepts are not easily shaken.

Definitions:  

Covenant - An agreement, a compact, contract, promise, obligation, testament, bond or pact.

Leader - One who guides, directs, instructs and influences the conduct or action of others.

Helper - One who bolsters, cooperates, causes to stand, assists, serves with anyone as an under-worker, stands with, supports, and comes to the aid of.

 

Read and study these scriptures:

Genesis 2:18-25

Ephesians 5:15-33;6:1-4

1 Peter 3:1-16

Ephesians 4:31-32

Malachi 2:10, 13-15

Proverbs 5:15-21

Matthew 19:6

1 Corinthians 7:39

 

BEING A GENTLE HELPMATE

 

Wives ask yourself these questions and try to answer as honestly as you can in your Journal.


1. How do I think I most help my husband?

2. Do I look for creative ways to help him when I sense an emotional or physical need? What is the result when I do?

3. How do my actions show my husband that I respect him above all other men?

4. How does my husband complete me in terms of weaknesses, strengths and spiritual gifts?

5. Do I freely express praise to him? Do I easily see his good side? Do I enjoy being with him?

6. Does he consider me a grateful person? Gentle? Helpful? Explain.

7. How do I create a pleasant atmosphere in our home?

8. Do our children know how much I love their father?

9. When do I resist helping my husband? Why do I resist his authority? How does this affect his self-image?

10. What unreal expectations do I place upon my husband?

11. Are there others in my life that I turn to in time of need instead of my husband? What impact could this have on him?

12. Do emotional ties to my father or mother still exist, that have not yet been settled, and currently affect my relation-ship with my husband?

13. How similar is my husband to my father?

14. How do they differ?

15. What adjustments have I made because of the answers to 13 and 14? What are the areas that still cause problems?

16. When I speak, does my husband consider my words wise, kind and uplifting?

17. How would I evaluate my honesty, dishonesty, or silences with my husband? How does this limit my ability to help him?

18. Does my schedule "flex" enough so that I am able to fit into his plans?

19. What are the reasons I have for resisting his leadership? Be specific. If I were to cooperate more, what might happen?

20. What demands do I make which reveal areas of conflict between us? Ask the Lord how together we could go about resolving these issues.

     Wife's Prayer:  Lord forgive me for the way that I have torn down my husband in words, actions or lack of cooperation. Please help me to see his need to be heard and respected. I desire to be his helpmate. Show me creative ways of being supportive, standing with him and being one with him in spirit. Teach me to be more giving and may it come from a loving heart. Fill me afresh with Your love.  Amen.

 

BEING A LOVING LEADER

 

 Husbands, answer these questions as honestly as you can in your Journal.


1. What three personality traits do I have that I consider my greatest strengths?

2. What three personality traits do I most appreciate in my wife?

3. What qualities do I consider to be my weak points?

4. Do my wife's strengths become points of contention?  Why?

5. What qualities has the Lord provided through my wife as a complimentary strength to offset my weaknesses?

6. How does my behavior towards my wife reflect my attitude towards my mother?

7. Do I feel free to confess to family members when I am wrong?

8. Have I shared with my family what I have learned through my failures? What were the results of this sharing?

9. How do I respond to my wife and children when they fail or when they disobey me?

10. How do I show each family member how special he/she is to me?

11. Would my family consider me an angry man? What affect does my anger have on their self-images?

12. What impression of "God the Father" do my children have by knowing me?

13. Do I listen to the insights and suggestions that my children share with me?

14. Do I ever wholeheartedly enter into my children's world?

15. If I asked each child who the leader is in his home, how do I think each would respond?

16. How much time do I invest each week in my family's emotional welfare?

17. Do I seek my wife's input into my decision-making? Do I resist her input - whether it is solicited or not!!?

18. My desire is to be an effective, loving leader. What prevents me from achieving this goal? What can be done about this?

19. How would my entire family benefit if I were to start overcoming these obstacles? Ponder this answer.

 

     Husband's Prayer:  Lord, forgive me for either being too demanding and bossy or at other times not taking the stand that I know to be right. May You give me insight into my position as head of my household. I do accept the responsibility of being the leader in our home. Help me to humble myself so I can consider your ways rather than my own ways. Help me to be a grateful person who is able to show love and appreciation to those in my family. Help me to not be overwhelmed, but to look unto You from whom comes my strength. Thank you. Amen.